it was a promise he could accept for now and hold against him later. when he wasn’t sticking his face in the toilet bowl, they could talk it over civilly and calmly. everything that needed to be said could be said and everything there was to understand could easily be under- stood.
hesitantly, a hand reaches out, resting on his son’s shoulder blades, rubbing circles into the fabric of his shirt. something about him still seems incredibly fragile. he’s much older now, old enough that he can make healthy decisions and choices that will benefit him. sure, he makes mistakes, but don’t all kids ? he’ll learn from them… won’t he ? he’ll outgrow this ridiculous phase. there’s that word again: phase. it’s a hateful word: phase. it implies that mindsets are set to change, morals can and will evolve. sometimes those things never change. sometimes the individual knows more than the world around them. sometimes there’s a cry for help that no one can see. what if this phase was just a plea for attention ?
he rubs another circle into his son’s back.
THERE IS SO MUCH HE HAS TO SAY. Damien understood none of this. This isn’t what Lucien wanted in the SLIGHTEST. And YET– he couldn’t say any of it now. He couldn’t say that he just wanted a few friends over or that he tried and FAILED initially to get everyone to leave and he just… GAVE UP. Lucien prayed this was something he could recover from.
He felt tired. The circular motions rubbed into his back found themselves to be soothing, countering how ILL and ALONE he would have felt otherwise. His head felt heavy– God, he needed to sleep again.
He needed to sleep forever and ever– it felt like no amount of time would sooth the pounding migraine in his skull and the guilt within his gut. Without much room to breathe, he finds himself vomiting again, and HOPEFULLY for the final time, eyeliner continuing to smudge down his cheeks. Weakly and blindly he would reach upwards, fingers flicking against the toilets handle and flushing the bile down the drain before settling back once more against his father, desperate to catch his breath.
